“I cannot get one more pedicure!!”
I pulled the blanket more tightly around me and glared at the circle of women in my weekly recovery group. At the time, I was forehead deep in a very challenging divorce. After sharing a harrowing story, once again someone asked how my “self-care” was going. Sigh. Thus entered Petulant Megan. Seriously, how many pedicures does it take?
Self-care is super trendy right now, and most articles that I read seem to have confused self-care with self-indulgence. Pedicures, massages, chocolate, shopping, bath salts – I had tried it all and still felt no better. I thought the point was to polish and scrub our pain away, yet here I was with my world still collapsing around me, only now in the salon chair. Same results. Nicer smells.
Perhaps you’re not choosing the right kind of self-care, another member suggested. Hmm. I thought about that for a bit. Is there another type of self-care? I decided to peruse Google and found a lot of the same articles I have read a million times before – candles, weighted blankets, and other tiny luxuries. However tucked between bath bombs, I found something. It was an article that suggested that self-care is more than chocolates and bubble baths. Suddenly it dawned on me. What if self-care literally means taking care of yourself in whatever form that might be? What if our job is to identify and tend to our needs at that moment and set up the life we want to live in rather than escape from?
The reality is, when going through a divorce, there is a LOT to do and take care of. I realized that if I really wanted to practice self-care, I couldn’t sit around with my feet soaking in rose-infused water and wait for the divorce fairy to handle my life. I had to stop ignoring the mounding paperwork, to-do lists, and financial challenges I was facing. Perhaps instead of a massage, I needed to spend some time creating a binder of legal documents or learning to cook for one. Maybe self-care meant I should listen to my body and give it rest when it needed rest and sometimes a salad or cake or exercise or french fries. I realized that rather than tend only to my physical needs, I needed to pay attention to my emotional, spiritual, and financial needs.
Believe me, I am not suggesting that pedicures are bad or cannot be the exact type of self-care you need sometimes. Following a long day in heels or training for a run, a pedicure is all I want. However, true self-care requires that we take the time to understand what it is that our body, mind, or soul needs in that moment.
This is tricky for those of us who have been needless/wantless for most of our lives. As someone who has little to no idea what I want or need, I struggle with self-care on the regular. The more work I do with women, the more I realize that this is a common problem plaguing the majority of us. I decided to do some work to make it easier for myself and my fellow self-care infants. Being a person who needs simplicity and categories, I organized different types of self-care into categories that might be useful when I’m at a loss for what I need or perhaps am too overwhelmed by life to do much thinking. At the end of the article, I’ve included a comprehensive self-care printable sorted by category. Enjoy!
Categories of Self-Care
- Sensory – Calm your mind, body, or anxiety
- Emotional – Engage with negative emotions
- Spiritual – Reconnect with God, your spirituality, or your sense of purpose
- Cognitive – Stimulate your brain academically or creatively
- Physical – Tend to your body and physical needs
- Social – Manage feelings of disconnection or calendar overwhelm
- Environment/Home – Take control of your surroundings
- Adulting/Life – Build self-esteem and independence
Sensory Self-Care – There are times when your body, mind, or anxiety feel out of control, and sensory self-care can help ground you or calm a fried system. One of the greatest tricks my therapist taught me to use when actively engaged in a panic attack is the 5,4,3,2,1 method. Utilizing your senses you list: Five items you see, four textures to touch, three sounds you hear, two smells, and finally one item to taste. When my system is overwhelmed, this does wonders. There are lots of other items to include in this category that are in alignment with traditional notions of self-care.
- Savor a cup of coffee or tea
- Watch clouds
- Sit in the sun for fifteen minutes
- Get a pedicure, massage, or facial
- Focus on movements of your breath
- Listen to music or rain with your eyes closed
- Take a sensory walk or walk barefoot in grass
- Cuddle under a soft or weighted blanket
- Take a bubble bath with epsom salts and essential oils
Emotional Self-Care – Some of us are unfortunately more emotionally inept than others. When beginning recovery, my ability to get in touch with my emotions was akin to that of an emotionally stunted walrus, so I had a lot of work to do in this area. My tendency was to mask, ignore, suppress, and/or numb any and all emotions, and I was dang good at it. However, there is a beauty to learning to engage with negative emotions of fear, anger, sadness, and loneliness. The practice that worked best for me was uncensored journaling. Lord in your mercy, please burn my journals if I die, because..seriously. If you’re worried about someone reading it, try a password protected word document or hide it or lock it up. My second favorite way to engage with emotions was to watch the show “This is Us.” If I ever need to cry, this one works. Every. Time. Below are additional examples of ways you can tend to your emotional needs without numbing through food, exercise, alcohol, drugs, sex, gambling, spending, etc.
- Uncensored journaling
- Watch an emotional movie or show.
- Listen to angry or sad music
- Ugly cry
- Write something encouraging and post it on your mirror
- Watch cat videos, puppy videos, or baby elephant videos.
- Scream, pound pillows, tear up paper, or shake your body to release tension
- Write negative thoughts on a piece of paper, then burn it
- Seek a qualified therapist or support group
- Visit a batting cage, break room, kickboxing gym, or some other place that allows you to break and hit things
Spiritual Self-Care – When I feel most out of sorts, usually I realize it is because I am in a spiritual rut or have simply neglected my own spiritual needs. Working in ministry, it is easy to get so caught up in facilitating spiritual experiences for others that you ignore your own. If you feel as though you need to get in touch with God or regain a sense of purpose, here are some ideas.
- Try a new devotional or bible study plan
- Write or say affirmations
- Volunteer in your community or perform a random act of kindness
- Detox from digital devices for an hour, day, or even longer
- Explore your strengths by using the Enneagram, Gallup Strengthfinders, or Spiritual Gifts Inventory
- Spend time in nature
- Pray, meditate, or embrace silence
- Design an at-home mini spiritual retreat (or go away if you’re fancy)
Cognitive Self-Care – There are times in my life when my brain is simply fried. When I find myself creatively blocked, usually that means I need to engage in some self-care that re-fills my brain bucket. In Julia Cameron’s book, The Artist’s Way, she has loads of great ideas to unblock and get your creative juices flowing. Here are a few for you to try.
- Try a new skill using a YouTube tutorial
- Collage, paint, scrapbook, crochet, etc.
- Photograph something you find beautiful or inspiring
- See a movie or museum by yourself
- Go to the zoo
- Visit a craft store
- Read
- Listen to a podcast
- See a live show
Physical Self-Care – Our bodies are constantly trying to send us messages about how well we are currently doing at life. Yet many of us abuse our bodies and force them into submission when they try to act up and tell us something by over-medicating, over-eating, under-eating, over-exercising, under-exercising, drug use, etc. Our bodies are meant to move and they need proper fuel and nutrition for our brains to work properly. If your body needs a little love, try these.
- Walk, run, swim, or bike outside.
- Visit a batting cage, go kayaking, dance, or try something new with your body.
- Limit alcohol, smoking, and other items that impact your health negatively
- Sip infused water
- Nap
- Try a new recipe
- Visit an acupuncturist or chiropractor
- Schedule a doctor’s appointment you’ve been avoiding
- Take care of your hair, nails, eyes, teeth, and skin
- Stretch or try an online yoga video
- Eat when you’re hungry. Stop when you’re full. Try listening to body cues instead of emotionally binge-eating or denying yourself food for the sake of skinny jeans.
Social Self-Care – If you are feeling isolated or disconnected, it is time to reach out to people who are safe and loving. We are built for human connection. Conversely, if you tend to over-schedule and overcommit, put your big girl pants on and take charge of your own calendar. Try the following if you need to take care of your social life in a better way.
- Send an email or a card to someone you miss
- Invite a friend to coffee or to join you for a walk
- Make a list of friends who are good for your soul. Put a special emoji next to their name in your phone and send them a text once a week to nurture that friendship.
- Accept help
- Call or text a family member or friend
- Try a meetup group or volunteer at your church to meet new people
- Say “no” to people or activities that drain you
- Schedule sacred solo time
- Join a support group
Environmental Self-Care – Have you ever walked in one day to realize tiny mutant squirrels have clearly ransacked your house while you were away? Only me? Sometimes I get so busy or stressed that my home environment feels completely out of control. Usually this is an indicator that my brain is also out of sorts. Other times I realize my digital world has taken over. When I am overwhelmed, tackling something concrete in my home helps it feel a bit more manageable. Here are self-care ideas to take charge of your world one step at a time.
- Choose one drawer to clean.
- Make your bed
- Buy a tiny luxury in a home goods store to decorate your space.
- Sort your email inbox or clean up your social media feed
- Remove trash from your car while fueling up.
- Plant a garden, buy a house plant, or grab $4 flowers from Trader Joe’s
- Tackle your “fruit fly.” What’s the one thing annoying you about your home? Take care of it. (One time this was literally a fruit fly for me).
- Vacuum
Adulting Self-Care – Okay, yes, being an adult is sometimes mostly the worst. However, if you are in need of a self-esteem boost, taking care of adult tasks will easily do that for you. It is very empowering to learn that you can truly take control of your life. While married, it is easy to allow one partner to do certain things, so after the divorce I had to re-learn some skills. Even if you’re happily married, it’s worth it! Here are some other ways you can take charge of your life and feel like a boss.
- Negotiate a better cable package
- Watch a YouTube video to learn a skill typically handled by a spouse or family member
- Outsource something your hate (and can afford to) – grocery shopping, financial planning, taxes, house cleaning. Whatever it is, don’t feel guilty. You’re stimulating the economy and freeing up energy that might be needed elsewhere.
- Create a budget
- Attend a workshop, watch a webinar, or enroll in a class at your local community college.
- Take care of your car
- Hire a life coach to help you set goals
- Learn how to sew, woodwork, or assemble IKEA furniture.
Self-care is hard, because there isn’t a magic formula. What works for one person probably won’t work for you, and what works for you today might not work tomorrow. As I mentioned in my last post, my self-care is currently in flux. For a time my body needed yoga to recover and release toxins and stress. However, recently I realized that isn’t working for me anymore. Instead I need to hit stuff. I found a UFC gym that not only allows me to hit things, they strongly encourage it. You can determine what type of self-care you need if you’ll only slow down and listen to your mind and body. You and you alone have the power to take care of yourself. I hope you will do so without hesitation or guilt. And if today you are in need of a pedicure, by all means, get yourself to that chair. You’re worth it.
If you’d like to download a comprehensive list of self-care ideas sorted by category, click below. Feel free to share your favorite self-care ideas in the comments!
